Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
