Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
