i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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