do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
