omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
40s are totally the cure
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
