I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
