I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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