My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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