I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
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