he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Can I color on your dick again?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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