i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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