Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
FUCK WHALES
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
