She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
