is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
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