i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
