so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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