Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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