just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
