Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
