don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
