turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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