Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
