chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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