we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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