I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
