Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
