I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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