I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
