you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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