this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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