Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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