Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
