everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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