Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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