Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
