roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
