My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
