the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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