Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
