Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
