I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have fence marks all over my body
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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