remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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