I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
