You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
