I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
