Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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