I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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