her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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