listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
