Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
