oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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