you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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