I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
